Keys to Conflict Resolution: Empowering the Upward Spiral

Can the “upward spiral” help in your conflict resolution process?

Author, Stephen R. Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) encouraged empowered self-improvement by means of an “upward spiral of growth and change” involving openness to a pattern of learning, committing, and doing, in all areas of life.  

Neuroscientist Alex Korb (author of The Upward Spiral) also advocates for this approach to personal well-being, suggesting that small, beneficial steps undertaken every day – like taking a walk outdoors or drinking a glass of water – can help to manage and even reverse the course of depression.

So, what’s this got to do with conflict resolution?

Well, apart from the relatively obvious fact that if you feel better about yourself, you are going to be better able to cope with conflict and, potentially, better equipped to identify its solutions, there is more to this idea than just improving you own well-being: You can also improve your relationships.

Every conflict is, or involves, a kind of relationship. Whether that relationship is positive or negative depends in large part on how you treat it.

Now, if you suddenly remembered the old Cherokee story of the two wolves, you’re on the right track. That’s the one where the grandfather teaches his grandson about the internal battle between the wolves of negativity (anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, and ego) and positivity (peace, love, hope, happiness, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, compassion, and generosity) noting that t

he one that wins, is the one you feed.

When faced with a conflict, you can choose to become trapped by self-pity, self-protection, and the desire for self-assertion, or you can seek to understand the other, to appreciate their senses of loss or need, and to embrace the idea the each of you wants a positive resolution. You can learn what the other’s interests and concerns may be. You can commit to ideas - even to small and steady steps - that improve the circumstances for both of you. You can do what you promise (or, even voluntarily, what is good), to demonstrate good faith and credibility in the face of the other’s doubt and uncertainty.

This is not about being altruistic, but being realistic, and optimistic, which are virtues that arise by taking control of our selves and our circumstances, to become agents of improvement, rather than victims of negativity and decline.