Keys to Conflict Resolution: Caring What Others are Thinking

There are two kinds of caring about what others are thinking. On the one hand, your concern may focus on yourself – “what are they thinking about me?” Any expert can tell you that, while seeking positive social connections and acceptance is natural and healthy, the tendency can easily take a dark and ironically self-destructive turn.

But that’s not what this blog entry is about.  Instead, it’s about the other kind of caring about what others are thinking: The kind that cares about them.

Empathy is the trait or talent of being able to grasp another person’s perspective, to understand “where they are coming from,” and to resonate personally with their experiences.  

Empathy can also take a dark turn, if it leads to merely mirroring others’ feelings, experiencing their anxieties, fears, and sorrows as if they are your own; but, on its brighter side, empathy is the foundation for both cognitive and compassionate connection.  

The role of empathy in mediation cannot be overstated. It is typically described as one of the foundational skills a mediator can possess; but it is also a crucial trait for the parties to a dispute to seek to adopt.

Striving for empathetic understanding can help disputants “get out of their own heads” and also to get out of their own ways in seeking to find a resolution that might provide sufficient satisfaction to both parties.

The failure to strive for empathy can lead parties to take strident and unreasonable positions, seeking outcomes that will only genuinely satisfy themselves. Typically, where a party strikes that pose, the fact is that no positive outcome will be the result. Ironically, resolving your own problems often requires understanding better what are the other’s concerns.

Applying empathy can transform a dispute into a dialogue, and a stalemate into a settlement.