Keys to Conflict Resolution: "Thanks for all the fish"

People do not typically go into mediation, arbitration, or any other dispute handling system, with gratitude on their minds. But they should. It would make things go much better.

An old hymn penned by John Oatman Jr. reminds us to “Count [our] many blessings,” promising the gifts of comfort, help, and surprise will accompany the activity.

Today, I contemplated gratitude as I was using our small, electric snow blower to clear our driveway of one of winter’s last hurrahs. I remember well when we had none. I recall the effort that shovelling by hand required, and the longer time it took. I remember that each year I aged, the snow seemed higher and the task seemed harder.

I like to remember. I am grateful to be filled with gratitude for what I have, have had, and the journey that brought me here.

Can you imagine what difference it might make, when entering into a dispute resolution process, to go with what many good-hearted optimists call, “an attitude of gratitude”? If that seems counterintuitive to you, then perhaps you are one of those people who needs to think about it, and even work upon it, most.

An article appearing in last year’s International Journal of Indian Psychology (Katara and Kumar, 13(2):2015-2033) examined the roles that attitudes like gratitude – “a state of thankfulness and appreciation for what holds value in one’s life” – and forgiveness (which includes “a willingness to reconcile”) play in conflict resolution.

Their data led to the somewhat surprising conclusion that, even more than forgiveness, gratitude was “significant” in its positive impact on the conflict resolution process.  It turns out that feeling and expressing thanks is a “robust predictor of relational well-being… fostering satisfaction and constructive conflict management”.

So, the next time you are entering into a negotiation, mediation, arbitration, or even court, consider taking time to reflect on the good in your life, and be grateful. You’ll likely come to thank yourself for having done that when the process is over.

Making gratitude a central part of your daily experience of life, is also a strongly recommended idea.

[Image produced by AI.]